I have touched countless genitals over the course of almost 15 years of sex work.
Loving, mindful, playful, demanding, sexy, horny and always in support of their full dignity, size and potency.
But I’ve never taught it – until now.
A gleaning from the Vulva Massage Workshop.
The first intimate massage workshop in “Marlen’s World”!
Massaging genitals – why isn’t there a more poetic word in German for our pleasure organs? They want to be touched and honored, played with lovingly. But how?
I’ve been teaching sex positive workshops for over 10 years and yet it was the first of its kind. I was actually going to write a post for Social Media Post to follow up. But the gleaning was richer. This text has something to do with genitals, loving touch, trauma, healing and lust.
Anyone who knows me knows that my work is not only BDSM and play, but can also be fine, trauma-sensitive sleuthing. Many people come to me who have nothing to do with kink, but who simply “just” want to be touched lovingly and carefully – and also in their lust. That too can be a borderline experience.
These people come, for example, because …
- they want to open their window of tolerance for sexuality after trauma
- they want to escape the “sex autopilot” and reacquire deaf parts
- “completely normal”, i.e. penetrative heterosex is no longer an option for them and they are looking for alternatives for their lust (e.g. due to a lack of erection, surgery, hormone changes, etc.)
- they are so-called “absolute beginners”, i.e. people who have had little or no sexual experience and simply want to learn: How does sex work?
- you just want to enjoy 🙂
So I’ve touched countless genitals in almost 15 years of sex work. Loving, mindful, playful, demanding, sexy, horny and always in support of their full dignity, size and potency, genitals of every conceivable gender identity or external manifestation. Penises, vulvas, trans* genitals, non-binary genitals…
I tried counting them once. I gave up. It must have been hundreds, even thousands of genitals that got into self-awareness, lust and ecstasy through and with my hands.
The fine line between sacred and profane, between horny and salutary is sometimes not easy to recognize. Lust is healing, I’m convinced of that, and it comes in many guises – sometimes it’s also an emotional breakthrough, because something is touched deeply. Sometimes it’s just “just” horniness – and that can also be an integral act of self-empowerment!
That alone is worth a post, but there’s more to come.
Not being able to count genitals or orgasms is odd in itself, but even more odd is that I haven’t taught this very central part of my work yet. I’ve been giving sex-positive workshops for over 10 years, but I’ve always avoided that.
Maybe I thought there was enough: the Sexeducational World is full of workshops on vulva and penis massage, “handicraft” and “craftsman” Courses (usually neatly separated between males and females) and seminars on tantra massage).
Workshop time is precious and I’ve looked into what feels like 200 other ways to have sex, because I think they’re not taught enough.
I’m very glad I finished this evasive arc last weekend and taught my first intimate massage workshop. In the case of vulvas, pussies, cunts and related genitals. Women, trans*, inter and non-binary people looked at, discovered, felt with their hands and with their eyes their vulva* this weekend. Understood, learned something theoretical about them, remeasured their detection map, conquered new emotional spaces.
Alone, with yourself, as a couple in the form of a slow and loving massage, which could also lead to pleasure. The most important tools: presence, resonance and communication. And at the end there was a “Vulventheater” with performances!
This workshop went off like a rocket. What do I mean? Because I practice and teach BDSM, I’m used to pain and pleasure being close together and I can also handle high energies in the room. But it was an unbelievable experience to be so concrete with many people in the room and it also retrained me as a group leader.
I know from direct experience that where the greatest pleasure lies, there is sometimes also the greatest pain. That means, in the same room, people went extremely and loudly into their lust, pushed forward into the boundlessness of the orgasm, while others in fine sensitive work reached their limits and the sadness about it or even pain wanted to have space.
Shame, guilt, liberation, the need for discharge and the longing for security – they were all in the room at the same time and sometimes side by side in one person.
It was a bit like dancing on a volcano, and I’m glad and fortunate that I always had the confidence that all these processes would find their place – and that nobody would go “overboard”. Because where there is resonance in a group, it is clear: nobody has to do it alone. No pain has to be processed alone, because all topics are deeply human. In compassion, with resonance, your own topic becomes easier.
A lot of pain comes from collective wounds, and shame is a hereditary disease that we all carry within us, shame is part of our DNA, so we can support each other so well in accepting it and sometimes overcoming it.
We are all walking each other home.
And that’s why it’s wonderful, big and right when all these forces are allowed to work in a room, even if it’s challenging. It can be big and loud, brilliant and joyful – and quiet, inward, with regret or anger. Because we can be all of that. That’s life.
Where encrusted things are allowed to dissolve, frozen things can melt, where vitality can be felt, tears are allowed to flow.
And sometimes it’s not quite clear: are they tears of joy or sadness or pain or both?
We bathed in a variety of bodily fluids this weekend, it roared and we are intoxicated, it was a flowing celebration, in all friendship with each other and with the parts that we embody.
I am happy and inspired.
It can be in flow, intuition, love, horniness, sadness, longing, connectedness, humor and healing. They’re all in the same boat.
And yes, there will still be INTIM workshops in Marlen’s World. For all genitals, for every gender!
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